is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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