It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
