Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
