shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
