Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
