Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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