I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
