just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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