Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
