Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
