Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
