everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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