DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
