I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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