You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
