Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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