what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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