I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize