I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
