wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the day after is always just damage control
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
