Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize