I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
