I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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