He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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