well you can't waste a boner
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
