I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
