this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a search helicopter?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
