Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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