all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
