my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
