I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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