They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
