I'm gonna have a badass scar
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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