I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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