I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are the jesus of drinking
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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