i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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