Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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