guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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