I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
