That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
