Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
