I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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