I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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