Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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