You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
