awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize