Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
