I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
