I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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