I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
