I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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