My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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