you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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