Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize