I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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