I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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