The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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