My liver just broke up with me...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
