Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
