don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
