Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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