I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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