You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
