smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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