Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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